On Las Vegas...

"It's Disney Land for perverts."-Maris

On Hurricane Sandy...

"It sounds like a bunch of drunk girls yelling 'woo' at a bar"-X

On illness...

"You know, being sick is pretty lame on the outside, but inside it's so metal. War is being raged in my veins." -X

On ironic locales...

"Yeah, you're almost there...we're across from God is Real for Those Who Believe In Him Laundromat....no that isn't a joke." - X gives directions to the coven

On elections..

Forget Paul Ryan; X and I have come up with the most sexist thing you could ever say to a woman OR a man. It's degrading no matter who you are! Vote for us.

On unconditional love..

"Git over here Ash Toilet, lest I cut them off and beat you with your own polio legs!"
-How the Coven talks to menfolk

On strength..

"I know you want to build a small shelf, but is this board gonna be strong enough?"
"Well, it's not like I'm going to stack all my Bibles on it!"

FuckNugget

FuckNugget -NOUN-the most offensive thing to call a person, as it's simultaneously objectifying, and a diminutization. Saying this word into the aether constitutes sexual harassment

On Safety..

"I definitely carry pepper spray, but I'm kinda scared to actually use it."
"Yeah with the wind and all. You ever get attacked?"
"Yeah once. I kicked him in the balls."
"If I were a mugger I'd wear a cup."

On desire..

"I need Home Depot the way some people need civil rights. I need Home Depot the way some people need art." -Marissa Lee

"Surrender your heart to the cheese grits- they smell like America.

On childbirth...

"If I ever give birth, I'm only going to give birth to a cheese platter... the only thing I could ever love unconditionally.." -X

Pickup Lines...

"Girl, you are from another planet...I'm so glad I joined the space program." - X

Trips to Bed Bath and Beyond

"Let's think about this...we have to play our cards wisely."- X